Tony Danza is sad because Judith Light Hired A New Man-Maid.

He also seems to be Italian, the new guy, but his girth and pony-tail - he appears to be played by Mario, that chef from the Food Network who specializes in rural italian recipes - make it a pretty good bet he's not a former baseball player. I'm pretty sure that part was from the show itself, although I doubt the new maid's name was given as "Balzin." Balzin seems like it's probably the name of a sculptor, but instead, according to google, is a hilariously common misspelling name of the fan site for the lead singer of T-Rex.

I had an interesting dream last night that was almost completely faithful to the second to last episode of the long-running ABC sitcom "Who's The Boss." This show was in syndication - it still is, I guess, but not in the sense that you can see it every day at 5pm - when I was just young enough to appreciate adult television, and as a result I have seen every episode, save for a few from the last season when Tony and Angela finally got together. Those episodes ran concurrently - i.e. the show had yet to reach it's natural conclusion - with the five month period I spent immersed in the world of Sam Danza, Mona the sex crazed grandma, Judith Light, and, of course, creepy fucking Danny Pintauro, who is now, I believe, on Broadway, which surprises me because I remember being impressed even as a seven year old by how awful his line readings were, and how much I hoped he wasn't hiding under my bed, grinning strangely to himself under one of his series of atrocious hairstyles.

In my dream, the one I just woke up from, Danny Pintauro was nowhere to be seen, which is good, because I do not have easy access to anti-psychotics. Instead, Angela's son was played by someone who might have been Joey Lawrence - hard to say, thirty minutes after waking up - but who in any case was much older than Danny Pintauro - I have trouble even typing that little baby-eater's name, truth be told, - or his character ever was on the show. Also, he was a real dick about Tony and Angela's relationship, prompting Angela, in my dream, to cut him off at one point.

Tony: (something impassioned; I'm not sure how much of my dream was accurate to the original show, although I suspect at least the general plotline is correct, as how else would I be firmly convinced that it was the second to last episode? Intuition? I don't have intuition; intuition is the defining attribute of a lucky man's mind, and I am demonstrably unlucky in most, if not all things. Alternatively, intuition indicates some sort of connection with G-d, with a higher power; I am agnostic, lowest of the philosophical castes. Anyway, much of the preceding 18 minutes - sitcoms lasting 22 minutes, give or take - had been devoted to Tony settling the last significant emotional/psychological obstacle between his happy union with Angela, his former employer. He had just overcome it, winning Angela, who had spent much of the episode wracked with cold feet complicated by anger towards Tony for some imagined slight Not-Danny-Pintauro had manufactured, over.)
Not-Danny-Pintauro: I have a theory about men like you -
Angela: (coldly, so coldly) Oh do you? Do you have a theory?
[AUDIENCE CHEERING, ON A MASSIVE, DEVASTATING SCALE. NOT-DANNY-PINTAURO FLEES THE STAGE, OSTENSIBLY DUE TO HIS MOTHERS COMMENT, BUT THE LINK BETWEEN THE STUDIO AUDIENCE'S ANGER AT HIM AND HIS EXIT IS CLEAR AND THE META IMPLICATIONS FRANKLY SCINTILLATING.]

And then I woke up. I love you, air mattress. You make life electric. Also, your immediate proximity to the floor means there is no way Danny fucking Pintauro is hiding under you. http://www.danny-pintauro.com/Official/DannyPintauro/gallery/pix/90/90_djp_006.jpg