One Night in Bangkok and the World's Your Oyster
Two nights in Bangkok and you think you should probably leave the backpacker ghetto - a phrase which isn't an offensively small-minded way of thinking about a well-touristed roadway, incidentally, but instead a way of subverting the tragedy of racial segregation throughout the 20th century, and is in that sense actually pretty brave, when you think about it/are an editor for Lonely fucking Planet, apparently -, Thanon Khao Sa(h)(r)(??!)n which has rooms for US $4 a night but also has
GERMAN PEOPLE WHO ARE LOUD AND 19 AND WEARING DOPEY SARONGS ALL AT THE SAME TIME! WOULD YOU LIKE TO PURCHASE A T-SHIRT WITH THAI SCRIPT ON IT IN PLACE OF THE WORDS "RED BULL" ON THE RED BULL LOGO? WOULD I EVER!!!!! I'M GERMAN!!!!
and is not particularly authentic, or nice smelling. The problem with this plan, this dream of escaping pungent Khao Sarrrrrrrn Rd. is that there is literally no part of Bangkok that isn't bad to smell. It's like living in Jesse's sock drawer. You think you'll be okay if you get away from the athletic socks, but then - oh boy! - there's the argyles, waiting to stink you up but good. Suck it, Jesse.
So Joel and I are in Cambodia now - in Bangkok, Joel and I did Wat Pho, Chinatown, and the Grand Palace ( I realized I had acclamatized nicely when I went apeshit over the 250 baht ($7) entry fee to the latter, which is huge and awesome. When we get back to Bangkok before flying out, we'll hit up the weekend market. At that point, we gather, we'll have seen all of Bangkok worth seeing if you're not into sexual exploitation, which I'm firmly convinced I'm not and many, many tuk-tuk drivers seem convinced I am. My favorite thing about tuk tuk drivers? The fact that if you say no and look vaguely disgusted when they ask if you want to go to a whorehouse, their response is to grow steadily more sexually explicit. Once again, comparisons to Jesse Andrews' sock drawer abound.
One of the things a guidebook will tell you about Bangkok is that it is full of people trying to scam you. The most famous and popular scam is the "Grand Palace is closed today" scam, in which a nicely dressed Thai dude, usually posing as a student, walks up to you as you head towards Wat Pho or the Grand Palace and informs you that the attractions you're heading for are closed. My favorite explanation for why these places might be closed was: ceremony! You can't go into temple. Ceremony! Important ceremony today. Maybe you had to be there. No entry into the temple! Important temple ceremony. Today very special for Buddhism, it is the third to last day in March, the most Buddhist of all days in March! Thus, ceremony! Perhaps you want to go whoring?
In any case, at this point the tuk tuk drivers say they'll take you on a free tour of the city or whatever, and once you're in the tuk tuk you're driven... somewhere to purchase something you don't want to purchase. You will be obligated, at pain of social awkwardness among people demonstrably without tact, to either purchase something or... refuse to purchase anything. Sounds pretty tame? It is.
Especially compared to Cambodia, which I've only been in for 15 hrs or so, but is worlds and worlds apart from Thailand. In Thailand, there are skytrains and subways and internet cafes and dudes from Connecticut named Kyle. Hi. I'm Kyle from Connecticut. This fall I will be attending Penn State. Beer is great. Will you be my friend? No, Kyle, I will not. In Cambodia, there is crushing poverty and a pronounced lack of infrastructure. In Thailand, you have to watch your step or you'll find yourself forced to pay a hundred baht to make your way out of a sex club. In Cambodia, decades and decades of unimaginably savage civil war has left an expansive, multi-dimensional network of physical and emotional scarring unlike any you can imagine. Yeah, I'm talking to you, you unimaginative and complacent farang. You don't like it? Lump it. The common thread for these two countries is, of course, their shared love of humidity and stray dogs.
Also, neither Cambodia nor Thailand seem to have Bagel Crisps, a snack from my youth I discovered anew in New Zealand, so I'm feeling pretty down about Southeast Asia
GERMAN PEOPLE WHO ARE LOUD AND 19 AND WEARING DOPEY SARONGS ALL AT THE SAME TIME! WOULD YOU LIKE TO PURCHASE A T-SHIRT WITH THAI SCRIPT ON IT IN PLACE OF THE WORDS "RED BULL" ON THE RED BULL LOGO? WOULD I EVER!!!!! I'M GERMAN!!!!
and is not particularly authentic, or nice smelling. The problem with this plan, this dream of escaping pungent Khao Sarrrrrrrn Rd. is that there is literally no part of Bangkok that isn't bad to smell. It's like living in Jesse's sock drawer. You think you'll be okay if you get away from the athletic socks, but then - oh boy! - there's the argyles, waiting to stink you up but good. Suck it, Jesse.
So Joel and I are in Cambodia now - in Bangkok, Joel and I did Wat Pho, Chinatown, and the Grand Palace ( I realized I had acclamatized nicely when I went apeshit over the 250 baht ($7) entry fee to the latter, which is huge and awesome. When we get back to Bangkok before flying out, we'll hit up the weekend market. At that point, we gather, we'll have seen all of Bangkok worth seeing if you're not into sexual exploitation, which I'm firmly convinced I'm not and many, many tuk-tuk drivers seem convinced I am. My favorite thing about tuk tuk drivers? The fact that if you say no and look vaguely disgusted when they ask if you want to go to a whorehouse, their response is to grow steadily more sexually explicit. Once again, comparisons to Jesse Andrews' sock drawer abound.
One of the things a guidebook will tell you about Bangkok is that it is full of people trying to scam you. The most famous and popular scam is the "Grand Palace is closed today" scam, in which a nicely dressed Thai dude, usually posing as a student, walks up to you as you head towards Wat Pho or the Grand Palace and informs you that the attractions you're heading for are closed. My favorite explanation for why these places might be closed was: ceremony! You can't go into temple. Ceremony! Important ceremony today. Maybe you had to be there. No entry into the temple! Important temple ceremony. Today very special for Buddhism, it is the third to last day in March, the most Buddhist of all days in March! Thus, ceremony! Perhaps you want to go whoring?
In any case, at this point the tuk tuk drivers say they'll take you on a free tour of the city or whatever, and once you're in the tuk tuk you're driven... somewhere to purchase something you don't want to purchase. You will be obligated, at pain of social awkwardness among people demonstrably without tact, to either purchase something or... refuse to purchase anything. Sounds pretty tame? It is.
Especially compared to Cambodia, which I've only been in for 15 hrs or so, but is worlds and worlds apart from Thailand. In Thailand, there are skytrains and subways and internet cafes and dudes from Connecticut named Kyle. Hi. I'm Kyle from Connecticut. This fall I will be attending Penn State. Beer is great. Will you be my friend? No, Kyle, I will not. In Cambodia, there is crushing poverty and a pronounced lack of infrastructure. In Thailand, you have to watch your step or you'll find yourself forced to pay a hundred baht to make your way out of a sex club. In Cambodia, decades and decades of unimaginably savage civil war has left an expansive, multi-dimensional network of physical and emotional scarring unlike any you can imagine. Yeah, I'm talking to you, you unimaginative and complacent farang. You don't like it? Lump it. The common thread for these two countries is, of course, their shared love of humidity and stray dogs.
Also, neither Cambodia nor Thailand seem to have Bagel Crisps, a snack from my youth I discovered anew in New Zealand, so I'm feeling pretty down about Southeast Asia
posted by Jeremy at 12:23 AM
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